Yes, I work EVERY Friday

Last year, after I just returned to work and was desperately trying to find my sea legs, a neighbor of mine left a package on our doorstep. In the bag was a pile of baby blankets, burp rags and a flier for a local mothers' support group. She left a handwritten invitation to participate in some of the activities offered and I immediately and desperately looked up the website. Despite the claim that this organization supports all mothers in the pioneer valley, not a single event took place at night or on weekends. "Thanks, neighbor, but %$#*@! you!" I felt like yelling. I was down and she kicked me; I had an open wound and she rubbed salt AND lemon in it. I never said thank you and never responded to the gesture.

A year later, when walking home from the daycare, said neighbor was out with her son and the interaction was unavoidable. I told her why I never called and how her gift made me feel. She sympathized and told me her organization was starting a new support group for working moms. I felt hopeful and glad I was able to be honest and not angry with her.

During the holidays, I took a week off from work to hang out with Alan and Delia at home. We've been going to the YMCA for family swim and ran into this same neighbor one morning. "Do you usually come on Fridays?" she asked innocently. I reminded her that I continued to work full time and this was a special occasion. "Would you like to start walking with me in the afternoons?" she countered. I reminded her again that I work over 50 hours a week and don't get home until well after dark.

Of my many complaints about working full time with a toddler, social isolation is probably number 2 on the list. I greatly appreciate when friends and acquaintances reach out, but it often makes it more painful to have a glimpse at the social life that could be, but isn't.

In 2008, I am going to try to be less angry about the situation over which I have no control. I've talked to the support group about setting up a buddy system for working moms to give them much needed support that doesn't require a time commitment. I'll continue to remind people like my neighbor that many of us do work, are not flexible and have to make sacrifices when it comes to friends, family, and hobbies. The more people are aware of these issues, the more power we have to negotiate change at the political and community level. (Please! A library story hour on a weekend!) If interested: www.momsrising.org

Sammy and Delia sitting in a tree...

Our friend Samuel came for a night this week and brought his parents, Adam and Miriam. The children blessed us by going to bed easily and early, allowing the grown ups to enjoy each others' conversation and company. Delia loves babies and Sammy was particularly special. She patted his head, brought burp rags when needed and gave lots of kisses. As Sam's dad noted, "Only 4 months and he's gotten to first base!"

My little Tenenbaum

I picked Delia up at daycare on Friday and was cuddling with another child when Delia ran over upset and jealous. I had both girls in my arms and both were crying. Ava starting pushing Delia quite hard and Delia's arms shot out towards her. Before I could stop her, Delia had her arms around Ava and was patting her back to comfort her. To me, this speaks volumes about Delia's personality. Her daycare providers comment frequently that she is able to stand up for herself but is never pushy with the other children. She loves to be helpful and usually follows instructions. While Delia hasn't mastered sign language, elimination communication or started speaking in sentences, I couldn't be prouder of my little girl.

Soooo big

Delia's current likes include:
kisses
dancing
markers (washable, of course)
the recycling bin
reading books
The Grinch
clementines
feeding herself with a fork
Stuart
wearing sunglasses
swim class
snow days

Her dislikes include:
her green rubber duckie
Dad cooking
meat
Mom wearing a coat
washing her hair

snow

Kids grow up so fast these days

Snow Day

We've been hit by two big storms this week, leaving us with over a foot of snow. Alan has run out of places to put the snow from our driveway. Although Delia's going stir crazy in the house, she's doesn't seem to like being outside so much these days. We're playing a lot of hide and seek (she always wins) and doing laps around the first floor. Day care is closed the week between Christmas and New Year's--looks like it's going to be a long one.

Holidays

We traveled to El Dorado, Arkansas for Thanksgiving this year. While Delia did not enjoy the fried turkey, she did enjoy getting to know her extended family. She gave lots of hugs and kisses to her aunts, uncles, and cousins and was a total charmer. She became particularly attached to cousin Murron.

In anticipation of Christmas, we are teaching Delia some snowman self defense.

An object at rest remains at rest

For the first time in memory, Delia fell asleep in my arms today. She is a typical 15-month old that never stops moving (just like her mother), so this was a cherished moment. We lead such a hectic life that it was nice to feel the Delia's weight against my chest, the rhythm of her breathing and rest for a half an hour.

raising a confident girl

We try very hard to make sure Delia is a self confident girl. Does it look like we're successful?