Yes, I work EVERY Friday

Last year, after I just returned to work and was desperately trying to find my sea legs, a neighbor of mine left a package on our doorstep. In the bag was a pile of baby blankets, burp rags and a flier for a local mothers' support group. She left a handwritten invitation to participate in some of the activities offered and I immediately and desperately looked up the website. Despite the claim that this organization supports all mothers in the pioneer valley, not a single event took place at night or on weekends. "Thanks, neighbor, but %$#*@! you!" I felt like yelling. I was down and she kicked me; I had an open wound and she rubbed salt AND lemon in it. I never said thank you and never responded to the gesture.

A year later, when walking home from the daycare, said neighbor was out with her son and the interaction was unavoidable. I told her why I never called and how her gift made me feel. She sympathized and told me her organization was starting a new support group for working moms. I felt hopeful and glad I was able to be honest and not angry with her.

During the holidays, I took a week off from work to hang out with Alan and Delia at home. We've been going to the YMCA for family swim and ran into this same neighbor one morning. "Do you usually come on Fridays?" she asked innocently. I reminded her that I continued to work full time and this was a special occasion. "Would you like to start walking with me in the afternoons?" she countered. I reminded her again that I work over 50 hours a week and don't get home until well after dark.

Of my many complaints about working full time with a toddler, social isolation is probably number 2 on the list. I greatly appreciate when friends and acquaintances reach out, but it often makes it more painful to have a glimpse at the social life that could be, but isn't.

In 2008, I am going to try to be less angry about the situation over which I have no control. I've talked to the support group about setting up a buddy system for working moms to give them much needed support that doesn't require a time commitment. I'll continue to remind people like my neighbor that many of us do work, are not flexible and have to make sacrifices when it comes to friends, family, and hobbies. The more people are aware of these issues, the more power we have to negotiate change at the political and community level. (Please! A library story hour on a weekend!) If interested: www.momsrising.org